However, despite the countless books, webinars, and trainings on assertive communication, many new managers still misunderstand what being assertive really means.
Let’s bust some of the most common myths about assertiveness and see how it really shapes great leadership and learn how assertiveness helps new managers communicate and lead effectively.
Myth 1: “If my team member says no, it means they don’t respect me.”
Leaders often take “no” as a personal rejection. But a “no” can mean many things: your team may be overwhelmed, unclear on priorities, working on their own boundaries, or simply need more support.
Instead of reacting defensively, get curious. Ask, “Can you tell me what is making this difficult right now?”
Assertive leaders seek understanding, not obedience. When you ask instead of assuming, you build trust and psychological safety, which are the foundation of effective leadership.
Myth 2: “If I set boundaries, my team won’t like me.”
This is one of the biggest fears for new managers transitioning from peer to leader.
But the truth is that boundaries are a form of respect, both for yourself and your team.
Leaders without boundaries often end up overworked, resentful, and less effective, and we could say the same about their team.
When you communicate limits clearly, you model healthy behaviour and empower others to do the same. Not everyone will love it, but leadership is not about pleasing people; it’s about guiding them with integrity.
Myth 3: “If I share how I feel, they will think I am weak.”
Actually, openness shows confidence and authenticity.
Assertive leaders are transparent about their expectations and emotions, not to vent, but to connect.
No one can meet standards they don’t understand so, by communicating clearly and respectfully, you prevent confusion, misunderstandings, and frustration on all sides.
Asking for what you need as a leader doesn’t make you vulnerable, it makes you human and credible.
Myth 4: “I should be assertive all the time.”
Assertiveness is powerful, but context matters.
Sometimes, stepping back, listening, or adapting your style is the most assertive thing you can do.
Every situation requires emotional intelligence. When tensions rise, assertiveness may need to give way to empathy or patience. The key is knowing when to speak up and when to hold space.
Myth 5: “Assertive leaders manipulate others to get what they want.”
Assertiveness and manipulation couldn’t be more different.
Manipulation uses pressure or guilt to control others. Assertiveness uses clarity and mutual respect to inspire cooperation and avoid misunderstandings in communication.
Assertive leaders influence through credibility, not coercion. They make decisions transparently, and people follow because they want to, not because they have to.
Myth 6: “Being assertive means being aggressive.”
This confusion is everywhere, especially in corporate settings.
Aggression disregards others’ opinions and fuels conflict; assertiveness invites dialogue and finding solutions.
A good test you can do: if people walk away from a conversation feeling smaller, it was aggression. If they leave feeling understood and accountable, that’s assertiveness.
True leadership strength lies in balancing firmness with empathy.
And yes, gender bias still creeps in here. Women are often labelled “bossy” for behaviour praised as “decisive” in men. Part of assertive leadership is challenging those double standards by modelling respect and clarity in every interaction, no matter who we are talking to.
Myth 7: “Assertive leaders always get what they want.”
Not true. And not the point.
Being assertive doesn’t guarantee agreement; it guarantees clarity, fairness, and mutual respect.
Assertive leaders know that influence is built through open communication, not dominance. Sometimes you will still hear “no,” but you will know you led with integrity, and that’s what earns long-term trust.
The truth about assertive leadership
Assertiveness is not about being louder, it’s about being clear, confident, and kind.
It’s leading in a way that honours both your voice and others’.
When you master assertive communication, you reduce stress, strengthen relationships, and create space for real collaboration.
That’s not just good leadership, that’s sustainable leadership.
Becoming assertive is a long-term journey. If you want to start working on it, why not getting some extra help? I can support you and offer you the headspace you need to think things through. Shall we talk?
Or, if you want to explore what my Lead with Confidence programme can offer you, make sure you register your interest for the next cohort! See you there!
E: clarity@yourclaritycoaching.com
T: 07999 404 259
